The Satellite Guy

Okay, so today we had a satelite repairman who came to our house to install a second receiver. Before he came, my hubby and I were joking about the possibility of this fellow being like the Jim Carey character in the movie "The Cable Guy". We were laughing, doing the whole, "Hey Thteven" lisp-thing from the movie.

Well Arron had to go to town which left me in charge of dealing with The Cable Guy. Armed with instructions and my imagination running wild, I waited in great anticipation for the unsuspecting serviceman to arrive.

When the doorbell rang, I was (at this point) quite beside myself with excitement. You need to understand that my hubby and I really have no life outside of quoting movie lines to one another all day as the main source of our conversation (even our 7yr old daughter gets into it...nice!) so you can maybe appreciate the chance that the man standing on the other side of the door could, in fact, be Jim Carey-ish and that might be cause for excitement. Well, my internet readers, he did not disappoint!

As I opened the door, there before me stood a Jim Carey-ish character right out of the movie. He stood about 6'3" and maybe weighed about 190 lbs. He was dressed in a tight black Montreal Canadiens touque, a heavy overcoat (perfect for Canadian winters), MEC pants. Under his overcoat he was wearing a red hoodie (a hooded sweatshirt, or bunny hug, for those out west) bearing the same Montreal Canadiens logo emblazened on the front. Well to my deepest pleasure I noted that written on his arm was the following: #2 Stephan. Stephan. Now, really, in french it is pronounced "steh-fawn" (accent on the "fawn"). However, many people do pronounce it as the ever popular "Steven". Now for those of you who haven't seen the movie, "Steven" was the poor unsuspecting sap that the Cable Man attached his affections to. Next, "Steven" in the movie, undergoes a series of hilarious and horrific events all because he politely let the Cable Man know that he wasn't interested in the new and weird friendship.

Okay, so now that we've established all of that, my story thus continues....

For the sake of arguement, let's call this serviceman in my home...let's call him Jim (as in Jim Carey, because that's all I can see in this character). Now, Jim is one of those 'know-it-all' people, especially when it comes to cable repair. He is the type of person who sniffs the air when he talks (not unlike the Mr. Furley character on Three's Company...I told you, I have no life). Anywho... "Jim" was checking out the receiver he was about to hook up, nodding to himself, like he'd just discovered some long-lost artifact from the Mayan culture.

"Yep," Jim said, with an air of authority, "Whatcha got here's a K947Z2P model (*sniff*). Real popular back in the early 2000's (*sniff*)." I was blown away by his vast knowledge of things so terrifyingly boring. He looked at the cabinet which would soon house this marvel of technology. "I see you've got here that crackle finish on your cabinet."

I smile and nod.

"(*sniff*) So I knows this woman who goes to garage sales buyin' up all these old rocking horses," stated Jim. "You know which ones I mean? Well, (*sniff*) she take those horses apart and mounts them on like...a wooden post. You know which ones I mean? Makes it look like one of them there carousel horses (*sniff*)." He paused and looked up at me from the floor where he was kneeling.

I smiled, stiffling the smug giggle that was just dying to come out. I nodded and Jim Carey continued.

"Well, then she paints them up real nice with that crackle stuff. Looks like they're over a hundred years old. She fetches nearly $300 bucks for one of those ponies," Jim said as he marvelled in this little known fact.

"Wow," I responded, trying to feign interest. "You don't say."

Just then the new receiver came to life as Bob Barker was waiting on the stage while Johnny called another lucky contestant down from the audience.

"Oooooh," squealed Jim, quite unexpectedly. "The Price Is Right! C'mon down," he yelled out as he reached for his clipboard. Then he gleefully cried out, "Yippee!"

Well now, that was just the icing on the cake for me.

Jim then proceeded to bring up some techie codes by pressing some magical buttons on the remote. All sorts of binary codes of some type or another flashed up onto the screen. Jim sniffed the air in that 'I'm-a-techno-geek-and therefore-I-am-superior-to-you' sort of way and said, "Yep, (*sniff*) I'll get you fixed up in no time." His voice sounded as though he was straining to take a crap rather than impart his wisdom upon me. Funny thing is, he was talking to the television.

Shortly after that I walked him to the door, thanked him for coming out, shut the door, and proceeded to shove a pillow in my mouth to muffle the peals of shrieking laughter which now poured out in uncontrollable waves.

Good times...good times!